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Chinese state TV mocks US Corona response in ‘once upon a virus’ (Video)

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Earlier this week, economist Nouriel Roubini predicted that the US-China trade war would heat up because of the Coronavirus pandemic.

He claimed that the language from Washington and Beijing has become increasingly raw lately. Roubini, known as Dr. Doom because of his mostly bearish forecasting, believes this will only get worse and that we are in for a brutal trade war between the two most powerful countries in the world. Technological warfare and cyber crime would be central to this.

In the past few weeks, European governments have also become increasingly critical of the Chinese government and even the WHO. The biggest German newspaper Bild told China it owed their economy 149 billion Euro over the Corona losses whilst the best watched Dutch TV show stated that the WHO and China were clearly sending ‘questionable’ messages. Even French President Macron stated in an interview with the Financial Times that it would be naive to believe the official Chinese version of events. READ MORE

Government Accidentally Shuts Itself Down With Ban On Non-Essential Businesses

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress has asked all non-essential businesses to limit their hours or close entirely for an undetermined amount of time.

But this shutdown mistakenly shut down the most non-essential entity of all: the government. For a brief period of time, all government in the United States was illegal, since it is completely non-essential to everything.

“Oops,” said Senator Mitch McConnell. “We meant non-essential private businesses. Of course, the government is always essential, even when it’s not doing anything or is making things worse.”

Senators, congresspeople, and bureaucrats frantically rewrote the ban to include only businesses that actually produced something and not government agencies that just watched other people make stuff. Though they had dragged their feet on passing bills related to relieving the financial distress of the shutdown, they passed this revision in record speed, almost as quickly as they vote for pay raises for themselves.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said she would have caught the mistake but had passed the ban in a hurry, saying, “We had to pass the ban to see what it did.”

Furiously Spinning White House Revolving Door Causes Category 5 Hurricane

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Right on the heels of Donald Trump’s Twitter-firing of Rex Tillerson as secretary of state Tuesday, the National Weather Service announced the rapid formation of a devastating category 5 hurricane originating from the furiously spinning revolving door located at the front of the White House.

“Hurricane Donald coalesced very quickly right above the White House as a result of the extremely violent rotation of the front revolving door, as employees are joining and leaving the Trump administration at a frenetic pace. Take shelter immediately,” a NWS spokesman said in an emergency breaking news transmission. “If White House turnover doesn’t quiet down, I fear we’re going to be seeing many more of these weather patterns on the East Coast, so we need to be prepared.”

At publishing time, excited scientists have confirmed that the planet has now entered a cooling trend, again due to powerful winds created by the White House revolving door.

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Congress Members To Wear Barcodes So Lobbyists Can Scan Prices, Self-Checkout

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to make purchasing congresspeople easier and faster for lobbyists, Congress voted to approve a new measure that calls for congresspeople to wear barcodes on their foreheads so lobbyists, activists, and corporations can simply scan them and self-checkout.

Self-checkout machines will be installed at all exits of the Capitol Building, so once they’ve added congresspeople to their cart, lobbyists can pay right on the way out.

“Purchasing congresspeople used to be a time-consuming, expensive process,” said a Planned Parenthood representative. “Now, we can simply walk through Congress, scan all the congresspeople that are for sale, and checkout without having to interact with any humans.”

“We hate humans—like, a lot,” the PP rep added.

One major military-industrial complex lobby group, Americans For Bigger Bombs, said they are also in support of the new move.

“When you need to make a quick pit stop at our nation’s legislative body to purchase a few congresspeople to start a new war, you need to do it fast,” said one AFBB lawyer. “An attack on Iran can’t wait while you wheel and deal, wine and dine, and negotiate endlessly. Now, I can just scan and go.”

Nine Important Facts About Life

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Courtesy of Jim Cody, one of LinkedIn’s top inspirational motivators!!

 

Oddly Funny…. But Oh So True!

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Found on Facebook…….This is how self policing works.

 

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