Don Bowman

In my Opinion…

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Its scary folks! Why I tell you, if things get any scarier I don’t know what I will do. Over the last few days my email has been rife with dire warnings of impending doom and chaos, the likes of which we have never seen before. And the 2020 elections are still more than a year away. Pay attention here, because these are all serious, serious threats to our so-called “democracy, our religious piety, and of course our very way of life”. Thats just for starters. Anyway, here’s what I have been warned about over the last several days.

 

  1. According to Hillary Clinton, Tulsi Gabbard is being groomed by the Russians. I suppose Clinton would know, after all they groomed her to the tune of about 3 million in her Uranium 1 deal. And god only knows how much went into her foundation that no one even knows about.
  2. Trump has claimed that if they do impeach him, he will become even more powerful than he is now. He went on to say that he will become so powerful they won’t believe it. We don’t know who the “they” is he is referring to…but nonetheless ..they won’t believe it. This statement was reportedly followed with a major temper tantrum that included holding his breath for more than two minutes while stomping his feet furiously.
  3. Both major party’s have solicited funds from me. As I understand it, they can only beat their adversaries (which I am to view as my enemy) if I give them money. They cannot possibly win unless I personally send them as much as I can.
  4. After falling badly behind schedule in driving the entire country into unrepayable debt, the Senate is ready to begin passing their spending bills. Of course, they have no intentions of spending their own money. No. They are making plans on how to spend YOUR money, and your children’s and grandchildren’s.
  5. My email is loaded with dire warnings that the “commies” are coming….or is it the socialists? I can’t keep them straight. One such email had blazing headlines about how the Communist Party was supporting the Democrats. OMG!! Who even knew we had a communist party?? I am so scared now I think I peed a little!
  6. OH! And lest I forget! The end is near! All the signs are there! And you know that if you don’t give your church of choice as much of your money as you can they cannot possibly fight back the devil who is after you personally. But they can’t beat him unless you give til it hurts.
  7. Oh no! I just got an email reminding me that communism/socialism has failed in every country that has tried to implement it. That’s true. But have you ever noticed they never mention Italy and the hanging of Mussolini for implementing fascism ..,.. the corporate privatizing of everything, including the government, which devastated the Italian economy and its people? Fascism doesn’t work either, except for those at the top. Everyone else pays the bills. Sound familiar?
  8. But just when things seemed to be on a downward spiral I got an email that informed me that beautiful Ukraine women were wanting to meet me!! And another promising to give me the secret to making women scream with pleasure all night long! Oh wait a minute….I have to send them money before I meet any of these women or learn these secrets!

Damn…..I already spent all my money fighting the Democrats, the Republicans, the socialists, the communists, the fascists and the devil!