John Boering /PPJ Contributor


It was bound to happen.  A gathering of family for a holiday feast and hours of good natured banter and conservation turned deadly ugly about halfway through the first round of turkey, stuffing, home-made breads and assorted delicious offerings prepared especially, just for this day.  I had just bitten into a juicy turkey leg when someone asked the most disgusting question…”Did you see Newt Gingrich is probably going to win the primary in Iowa?”.  I choked.  The piece of turkey I had bitten off lodged itself in my throat. I was speechless…..mostly because my windpipe was seriously compromised.  

Noting my inability to respond, my relative (who is now banned from any further attendance at my home during the holidays, in perpetuity,) continued on as if she had not noticed that I was turning various shades of blue and took the opportunity to quote some inane, baseless comment from one of Ann Coulter’s articles.   It was too much.  My meal was ruined, my holiday in shambles, my love for family gatherings dissipating precipitously. Gingrich and Coulter?  The food now all seemed to have been contaminated and rendered unfit. Gingrich and Coulter?  At my table on Thanksgiving?  Nooooo!!! 

As I tried to recover from what I can only describe as a near-death experience as a result of the lodged turkey meat and the mention of these two neo-con hacks who both appear to suffer from some uncontrollable impulse to lie and to say the most absurd things that we are supposed to think are relevant comments, the only words that I could manage to say were “Ron Paul”. 

My relative it seems suffers from the same delusion that afflicted many people when Obama was running for president.  They think that if Gingrich were to become president he is going to make big changes beneficial to the country and roll back egregious legislation, clean up the District of Criminals and bring prosperity to all, just like so many did with Obama.  Gingrich will supposedly bring integrity back to the office of president.  I personally don’t see how this could be possible considering the lack of integrity in Gingrich’s personal life.  Gingrich is a neo-con fascist and would quickly convert what is left of our country to corporate control while he laughed all the way to the bank. 

His recent derogatory comments about the OW protestors played well to those who still think that they will get rich if they just let corporations and the elite have a free pass on taxes and any form of meaningful contribution to the country.  Gingrich suggested they take a bath and then get a job.  What an arrogant, stupid, gutless thing to say.  23 million out of work?  Where are those jobs Gingrich?  Besides……

Fat men in glass bathtubs should never take their clothes off but Newty-boy appears to have great difficulty keeping his on.  

A human vulture? 

I can’t help it, Ann Coulter reminds me of an aging, wasting vulture.  Every time I see that adam’s apple bobbing up and down and hear that ever so masculine voice spewing some idiotic line of crap that would put any one of us out here in jail as a domestic terrorist, I envision a huge old buzzard squatting on the limb of a dead tree, its long beak opening and closing, its gnarled head bobbing back and forth, the adam’s apple bobbing up and down, the giant manly hands waving in the air like two massive wings. I always have the feeling Coulter is waiting for something to drop dead so she can pick over the carcass. 

Most of what comes out of Coulter’s mouth is so shockingly stupid, many times foul,  so lacking in any real substance or is so obviously the result of revisionist history wherein actual events are reconstructed so as to support her (his?) arguments, that it baffles the mind of those of us who lived through many of those events.  Coulter serves a purpose.  That seems to be to access the worst in people; to validate the unfounded hatreds, bigotry, and to spur on religious zealots who have demonstrated already that they are compromised.  It’s a small audience that Coulter appeals to, leaving the remainder sickened at the obtuse and pointless ramblings of what has to be a political joke. 

Maybe the worst case scenario, the thing that bothers me most is this: If a Republican takes the White House, we will have to endure at least four years of seeing this human vulture-like creature paraded across our TV screens screeching, strutting and spewing nonsense.  Thank god for the quickness of remote controls! 

Thanksgiving is over, and so is my relationship with a distant relative.  I still can’t look at the leftover turkey and trimmings, it brings back too many bad memories.  I don’t know about any of you, but I don’t think I could take the reviving of these hacks, hucksters, and so-called “pundits” that were present during the Bush2 Administration.  Its almost like being visited by the evil ghost of Christmas past. 

Crap!  I just ruined my own Christmas.